Monday, March 31, 2008

Losing My Religion

Last Sunday was Easter but I didn't go to church. After all, I haven't gone the other 51 Sundays. Why start now? I should explain that I was raised Catholic and even conceived Catholic since I was born nine months after my parents married. I have been baptized, first communionized, confirmed and married in the Church. I did four years of hard time in Catholic school also, but I guess it didn't take. I discovered when I left home for college that if I didn't have to go to Mass, I didn't. Oh, I continued going for a while out of obligation and pure guilt, but never because I wanted to. To avoid conflict, I would go when I was with my family, just not by myself.

Then, I got MS and suddenly people are praying for me, having masses said and giving me angel pins. Even a friend of mine from college asked me if I had started praying after my diagnosis. I have nothing against people who have found solace in religion during hard times, but it just doesn't work for me. Plus, I feel it's kind of hypocritical to ask for divine intervention when you've ignored the Almighty when things are going fine. I also can't believe that I ever did anything so bad to deserve what's happened to me. I didn't lie, steal, cheat or murder; I just stopped going to church on Sunday.

During my college days, a fellow lapsed Catholic and I would say that when we were old women we would wear black and go to Mass everyday to atone for our youthful transgressions. I haven't turned my back on my religious upbringing. I have just gone in another direction. I am reminded that actions speak louder than words and I try to demonstrate by my actions that I am a good person. In my opinion, that does a lot more to make the world a better place than saying a prayer.



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